God how I wish they could walk for one day knowing what I know, feeling what I feel, feeling that life within me as it lives and moves and grows. I stare back to unsettle them, unblinking, unforgiving. They look away but the whispering continues. I have no one to whisper to. I have lost again and look away with eyes full of remorse and hurt and that glint of fear. Fear of the pain? No…more accurately described as fear of failure. What kind of mother will I be? Hands explore a surface so hard and round and promising, feeling that pulse of life within, wishing I could look like this forever and have someone to whisper to. And then the pain came, and I wonder why I was not in fear of it. Pain like a river, a waterfall, an earthquake…pain like a volcanic eruption that makes me scream and scream and scream. So much pain to deliver a life so small. Giving birth was perhaps the most painful and colorful moment of my life, the ripping of a soul that I’m not even sure exists. It tore from me. . Maybe you’d like to see how else I could pleasure you?" I pressed 'send' and a smirk came across my face hearing her computer beep as my friends either side looked at my screen and stifled their laughs, giving me pats on the back as I swivelled side to side in the chair. Walking over to her computer as she talked she looked around, continuing to talk about whatever it was she was trying to teach at the time. She quickly opened her messages, and I could see her mouth fall open as she looked from the screen to me and back. She must have thought I was messing as I winked at her, as she began rapidly typing her reply. “That is very inappropriate language to use with a teacher, Mr Griffiths, if you are not careful I will have to report your behaviour to both the head teacher and your parents! ” Me: “Well, why not deal with my ‘behaviour’ yourself?” I chuckled as quietly as I could. Teacher: “Enough! I can see your behaviour will not improve, so you will be staying behind after class and.
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